I’m not sure if it’s the hormones or what, but I’ve been feeling nasty towards blogging lately. I have been keeping up with everyone on my reader, and still commenting most of the time… but I’m getting more annoyed than I probably should be when, for example, I am always giving but never receiving comments from some people. What’s up with that?! Guess they don’t have time for me, don’t like me now that I’m pregnant (but that can’t be it because I see that they are still commenting on other pg blogs), or never did have any interest in my blog. Fine. But it hurts and I don’t like it. Then there’s the handful of bloggers who have posted some sort of negative reaction to the recent abundance of (surprise/natural) pregnancies…even indicating that we aren’t true infertiles if we happened to get lucky like this. I absolutely know that these women are hurting, and as I said in my pregnancy announcement post, I hate hate hate that my news might have caused additional pain or anger for anyone. But gimme a break! I know it’s hard… I cried a few times myself this past spring when there was a wave of BFPs. But I wouldn’t want to hurt the feelings of a newly pregnant woman who has fought like hell to get where she is (whether or not she has fought as long or as hard as me).
Ok. I’m done with my rant. I’m sorry if I have offended anyone. People have a right to blog about whatever feelings they are having, even if it is bitterness, sadness, and anger in response to each new pregnant blogger. Like I said, I’m feeling pretty crabby these days due to lots of nausea and extreme fatigue. I’m not looking for sympathy. I’m just thinking The Golden Rule would really apply well here. Do unto others and all that jazz.
Now, onto more important matters…
I’ve been wanting to do a GOOGLE SEARCH post for a while, but wanted to wait til I had a nice bunch of choice searches to share with you all. I think I’ve got ‘em. Enjoy!
(For those who don’t know what I’m talking about… Mom… the following is a list of words and/or phrases that people have plugged into their Google search engines that have led them to my blog. There must be a lot of people with a lot of time on their hands, cause I’d be willing to bet my blog link is NOT coming up anywhere near the top few pages on Google)
1. “My barren wife brings me grief.” (Ooooooh…So sorry to hear that, buddy. Now, have you considered the possibility probability that you bring your wife grief as well? Probably all 5 of your wives, in fact. Chin up… you’ll get your strong male heir by one of them.)
2. “Funny kid with balloon” (Not sure if I’ve ever used the word “balloon” in my blog… but who doesn’t like a funny kid with a balloon? And who wouldn’t click on a blog link called “Infertile Firstmom” when searching for one?)
3. “Adopting a teenager” (Oh good God… bless you.)
4. “Touch bald head” (Ummm… no thanks. Unless it’s Riggo’s. But he won’t let just anyone touch it… so good luck with that.)
5. “Bearsharkalligator” (This person managed to combine all three of my worst nightmares in to one terrifying word. And it led them to my blog. Interesting.)
6. “Mountain of infertility I command you to be removed from my body” (Lemme know if this worked out for you. If so, I know a few women who’d like you to command their bodies to cooperate as well.)
7. “How looks sperm” (Hmmm, well, they’re these really teeny tiny tadpole-looking things…)
8. “Catheters creative display” (I’d like to see that display when you’re finished with it, if I may).
9. ”Scary broccoli” (Well…I’m sure it scares some people, but I don’t personally find it too intimidating. Beets on the other hand… yikes).
10. “Is a man with large buttocks infertile” (Hm. I’ve not heard of any sort of correlation there, but who knows!?)
11. “Random info to write down” (Wow. Bored, huh?)
12. “Except with all the words of friendship you are alone in facing the problems of life” (How very profound. And depressing).
13. “My first time with Mom” (I don’t want to know.)
14. “Great Auntie will smack my bum cheeks hard and will sting” (Well she doesn’t sound very nice!)
15. “Positive things about Infertility” (And this lead you to my blog how? Good luck with that search.)
16. “Is Kate infertile?” (Me? Yep. ’Fraid so. Not sure about your Kate, though. May want to ask her.)
17. “Dirty sock ritual for infertility” (Gross. But I still wanna know what it is and if it works).
18. “Your bitch loves me” (I bet she does! You sound so great!)
19. “They gone love me for my ambition” (I’m sure they will. But I’ll be straight with ya… they’ll love you more if you have some skill, too. And they may not love your spelling and grammar.)
20. “What should I buy to make me feel better about infertility?” (Ohhhh, hun… retail therapy is nice, but it’s only a very temporary fix. Unless you can buy a new set of ovaries… that might help.)
I love it. These are unbelievable! WOW…some of them, quite scary. Your commentary was fabulous. …on another note, I am SO happy for you!!! You deserve every ounce of happiness and I admire your courage to put out there how you are feeling. I also struggle with commenting on people’s blogs who never reply or seem to comment on mine. I try to be good about replying to people who respond to my own because I really do appreciate it so much. Anyway, I know people are busy…well, anyway…I hope you start to feel better soon! Sending blessings upon your pregnancy and hugs to you.
Thank you so much:) I’m feeling a bit ashamed for ranting like that in a moment of hormonal weakness… There is a reason (growing inside me right now) for the non-responses in most cases. And I totally do not begrudge anyone who needs to stay away or not comment on pregnant blogs right now. I just hate the polarizing effect of new pregnancy in this blogging community… but I know there is nothing to be done about it. Thanks for your continued support. I’m keeping you in my prayers.
Dirty sock ritual!?!? Yuck.
I’m glad I haven’t come across people who are angry about a wave of success for others. This is not a zero sum game! Of course, jealousy is normal. Wishing it could have been you is normal. But anger is not something I can relate to.
Also – (as I’m sure you remember) your IVF was canceled in the middle of that spring wave of BFPs! Don’t feel excluded. This is not a pain competition. Unfortunately, you, like the rest of us, have fertility problems.
I wish I could make it better for everyone.
I wish I could too! I want everyone to get here… and I hate that IF destroys so much, even in a community of love and support like this one.
I agree with you… sadness and jealousy over our success I totally understand (and have felt in the past), but anger and resentment is not cool. I’m feeling as though my rant may have come across as whiny and I’m a little ashamed. I knew my readership and commenting would go down as soon as I made my announcement, and I don’t begrudge anyone that needs to step away and/or can’t comment like they used to. It was a moment of hormonal weakness, I’m afraid.
I’m gonna hop over to your blog now and see if you’ve updated again since your return from Portland. Thinking of you and hoping that damned bleeding stops for good!
Have a great weekend!
Okay, guilty! I hope you know I haven’t forgotten about you – in fact, I think of you often, as your diagnosis is so similar to my own! I’m jealous for sure, but not bitter or angry. Your pregnancy has given me a glimmer of hope that it could happen for me, too!
I think actually I must have assumed that once you’re knocked up, you just don’t need the support as much anymore. Kind of a dumb assumption, because I’m sure I’d be freaking the hell out 95% of the time if I ever got pregnant. I’ll be better, I promise!
Your google searches are hilarious! I must need to jazz up my blog – I think the funniest one I’ve gotten is: “Am I a pregnant stalker?” Ha!
Hugs to you and the little one you’re cookin’!
Jen, my apologies for coming across as whiny in my rant. I certainly did not mean to make you or anyone else feel guilty about not commenting as regularly. I expected it to happen, and I respect the reasons why it does. I know you are happy for me… please don’t feel obligated to visit my blog if it doesn’t do anything except cause you to feel those unpleasant feelings. I hope it’s still ok for me to visit and comment on yours though. If you want me to just lurk for a while, I can do that, and no hard feelings.
I’m glad you got a boost of hope from my success… our diagnoses are definitely cruel, but I do think we are among the few folks in this community for whom surprise BFPs can and DO happen. The waiting and uncertaintly part sucks bad, though.
I appreciate you, your writing, and, of course, your support. But I get that it is hard to read about anything related to pregnancy, and I will not begrudge you your space, if it’s what you need. I do still need support, but I am getting plenty. Do not feel any sort of obligation to weigh in on my woes. In truth, I have nothing to complain about, lack of comments or not. So if I have another moment of hormonal weakness again, feel free to tell me to shut the hell up!
I am keeping you and your journey close to my heart. I truly hope our journeys coincide in more ways than just our similar ovarian fates… and soon.
I am new but I love your blog despite my empty uterus!
And those google searches make me die. Scary broccoli makes for a very promising band name.
My favorite search that led to me was “crazy train flea market”. I have no idea why but it makes me beam with pride.
Hey! I’m glad you are here:) and that our different uterine statuses have not kept you away so far! Looking forward to reading more from you (here and on your blog).
I’d like to visit the Crazy Train Flea Market… what an intriquing prospect.
**Hands head in shame** I am guilty, too. I still read, I just feel so unequipped to comment here and on some other pregnant blogs. Even with of my closest blogging buddies I find it hard to comment. Thanks for knocking some sense back into me!
And holy crap those are funny! No. 14 made me laugh out loud!
Oh man, do I feel like an ass. I really did not mean to add guilt to the growing pile of craptastic emotions that I know are in heavy rotation among so many of my wonderful blogging friends. I was seriously having a moment of hormonal weakness, and it resulted in that rant… and it was in poor taste. I apologize.
Though I am glad to know you are still here and don’t just find me or my writing unbearable (even if you aren’t commenting, which I completely understand!)
Please feel free to tell me to shut up if I EVER complain again, and take as much space from reading and/or commenting on my blog as you need. I will continue to follow you and your journey, because I care about you, Mr. Husband, and your precious kitties. And because, as I’ve said before, I believe your day is coming… and I can’t wait to celebrate with you!
In the meantime, best of luck with your cleanse! I’ll be eagerly awaiting the final report, as those things scare me to no end.
I love it when you do this Google search thing, it just cracks me up. (I also have no idea how you find this information.)
Unfortunately nobody gets pregnant because they deserve to. I am very happy for you and your special surprise. But I don’t count because I got pregnant too, after only two IUIs. And I wasn’t even strong enough or enlightened enough to start blogging until after I got pregnant. That makes me Infertile Lite.
Personally, I kind of feel like anyone who has to have regular visits with Wanda and a variety of doctors and nurses view their business is in “the club.”
Congrats on your success, Buttermilk!
Very sweet, thank you! (My cat is named Wanda.)
Infertile Lite! Ha! I haven’t heard that one before:) Even if you are late to the blogging “party,” you are welcome here. If it took even one IUI to get you pregnant, then that’s good enough in my book.
I’m glad to have a new pregnant bloggy friend!
I can only tell you how to find the Google search terms if you are on WordPress (via the Dashboard, just click on stats and scroll down til you see Google searches). Not sure about any other blogging formats, though. But they are funny as hell, no?
I’m with Belle on this one. Been reading, but after this last BFN, found it hard to comment on fellow IFers who have had BFPs. Honestly, it has zero to do with you and everything to do with me. Also, anyone who pulls the “you’re not really infertile” comment is full of it. Yes it sucks being left behind, but that does not mean that the pregnant IFer was never really and IFer. Those experiences stay with you for a lifetime. The only thing I ask is for those who are transitioning to the other side is to not forget this time (i.e. don’t become that you despised so much while you where on this road). But you been doing that Kate. In fact, I think you’ve been incredibly sensitive to anyone who reads your blog. So don’t apologize and keep writing.
And I love the Google search terms list!
Thanks for the validation on my status as an IFer. It hurt when I read some of the not-so-subtly passive aggressive words suggesting that my struggles are not “for real” since it happened naturally for me (by a complete miracle… and it’s still very very early).
But I am trying not to take that crap personally anymore. I do have a right to be here, and I care very much about remaining a part of this community, as I care about the people in it (both in and out of the trenches.)
That being said, I will repeat what I said to Belle and Jen and a few others above: I apologize for my homonally-fueled rant that seriously smacked of complaining (something I have NO business doing). Not only do I completely understand your deminished commenting presence on my blog since my BFP, I WANT you to take as much time and space as you need. I know you care and are happy for those of us with recent miracles. But this shit is hard, and I will NOT forget how it feels to be in the trenches and reading post after post of newly pregnant bliss (or worse, complaining). You have every right to stay away, to read selectively and/or only occasionally, and to share your thoughts as you feel up to it.
I will continue to do my best to remain sensitive to all of my readers, wherever they are in their journies. And I’ll just look at this as a challenge to churn out the occasional masterpiece so that you can’t help but delurk and bless me with your commenting greatness.
I’m sorry you aren’t feeling supported.
I know I haven’t been a great commenter recently, either, but it totally isn’t because I’m not happy for you! I’m really just overwhelmed with this whole IVF-scheduling situation and trying to figure out if we should put it on hold until the scheduling is easier….and if it makes sense to try a few IUIs first. It’s not a good excuse, but after waiting for over four years to take these steps, it just preoccupies my thoughts.
I’ve been reading your updates and have had happy thoughts for you but just haven’t come up with anything to say. I’ll be better.
Of course you are preoccupied! PLEASE do not feel obligated to read or comment on my blog as a result of my rather shameful, hormonally-fueled rant the other day! I know you are happy for me, and I so appreciate your support, and the fact that you have stuck around despite my BFP (and your hectic schedule!)
You need give no excuse whatsoever for any lack of commenting. I know it’s hard to read pregnant blogs under the best of circumstances when you are still in the trenches…and you have so much on your plate right now! You just focus on you and, please, feel free to punch me in the throat if you ever hear me complaining about anything again.
I wish I had the answer for you about your IVF scheduling situation. It’s a tough decision, and I know it’s torture to think of putting it off, but so stressful to think of tring to pull it off in the midst of all of that travel. I’d probably go with listening to the RE… If they say do it, then give it all you’ve got. If they say wait, then we’ll be here waiting with you until it’s time.
Sending hugs and lots of peaceful vibes (for making clear-headed decisions;)
Haahahahahaha, hilarious!!!! And poo poo on unhappy bloggers… Hooray for you being pregnant!!!
Thanks! We all have our days… as evidenced by my rather shameful, hormonally-induced rant.
I’ve been terrible about commenting lately! You’re google searches are so much cooler than mine! My personal favorite: bearsharkalligator! : )
I know! I loved bearsharkalligator:) SO funny.
Not to worry about the commenting thing. I really had no right to be bitching about my decrease in cyber-hugs. Just a moment of hormonal weakness, I’m afraid. Hope you are feeling well!
Ranting and being funny at the same time is one of my favorite combos. Funny google searches!
It was the least I could do to follow that shameful bitchfest with something funny!
Your google searches are way better than mine and quite funny.
I enjoy your blog very much and was happy for your recent annoucement. We are close to the same age and it is great to know that it can happen for us in our mid-30′s.
Thanks. It makes me happy to think that my success might give others hope… especially when I so often feel like it’s causing more pain than anything else. Ugh! There I go again, sounding like I’m feeling sorry for myself! I’m not, I promise! Thanks for still being here… and for being happy for me… and for being my age. Sometimes it seems like there aren’t many of us.
I love your blog… it was one of my first favorites. I will be keeping up with you and praying that you get to make an announcement of your own soon.
Thank you. It seems like there are just a couple of us around this age, even fewer that are older.. Most of the bloggers seem to be right at the age of 30. I appreciate your well wishes and glad that you enjoy reading. I enjoy reading your blog just as much.
I once had someone search my blog using the terms…..(are you ready for this?)
c.um shoot an.us
Uh…..?
Oh wow… yuck! I’d feel a little dirty (not in a good way) knowing that that person actually clicked onto my blog. Do they make a Perverts Not Welcome button?
Your google searches are hilarious! I am curious as to what mine would be, but have no idea how to find out…
If you are on wordpress, just go to the Dashboard and click on site stats… then scroll down to Google Searches. Can’t help you if you are on Blogger or anything else. It’s fun to read them from time to time… always good for a laugh. Makes you take your tagging a little more seriously, too.
I’ve been angry spice for the past few weeks! However I’m angry at my crazy family. I’ve been so angry that I don’t feel like doing anything! So I’m just now getting around to my blogs.
I’m seriously so happy for you!
I also read the rant about people not being infertile, i agree, not nice! And honestly, since I’m angry spice, I had some immediate and obvious things I wanted to say about that too,but didn’t. I am actually infertile, by definition, yay… As I hang this trophy (seriously… What the fuck.. Who the hell would want this shit?) I just bought some embryos.. But since I’m only 32, should I hang on to them for the next 15 years while my clinically diagnosed old ass ovaries continue to spew out garbage? No thanks, I quit! My ovaries win… I cant live like that… But that’s my choice. I don’t think it’s fair to criticize everyone else’s choices.
not nice! Thanks for allowing me to rant.
I love the google searches, they all made me laugh! My favorite from mine was ‘how to make a tampon cake’
You are welcome to come to my blog and rant anytime you want, as Angry Spice or any of the other spices.
Oh, so funny! You were my big laugh for the day.
But I was not laughing about the first part of this post. I’m so sorry some people have been unkind. It will always hurt me to hear another pregnancy announcement, but I am still oh-so-happy for those who struggle to but finally achieve their sweetest, greatest dream. Even if it’s a surprise and/or natural…if you’ve been struggling, if you’ve believed you may never have your own children…well, then your pain is just as real as anyone’s. So many people support you! I hope you can ignore all of those who don’t.
Thank you for your validation and kind words. It means a lot. I have been going through and apologizing for what I now feel was a rather shameful hormone-fueled rant about lack of commenting. (The part about my struggles not counting, though… that I am not apologizing for being pissed about). I have no right to be complaining about anything, especially as I know and respect my readers who need some space from reading pregnant bloggers. It hurts to hear that another person has made it, but once again, it’s not you. I completely understand why some people can’t keep up their commenting standards after they feel “left behind” like this. It makes me sad… not for myself, but because it’s another way IF hurts.
I hope to keep writing respectful, interesting blog posts about a variety of different topics (not all related to IF or pregnancy)… and I value your support and your presence here, however regular or occasional it may be. I wish you all the best.
“Mountain of infertility I command you to be removed from my body” FANTASTIC! Made my day!
As for the commenting thing, try not to take it personal. I know I see I a definite decline in comments both times I’ve been pregnant. I try not to let it bother me, I just know not everyone can handle hearing about the other side when they are not there. *hugs*
You are right. I’ve been apologizing to everyone who I may have made to feel guilty about a lack of commenting. It’s insensitive of me to be complaining about anything, really. You know what I mean. I can only chalk it up to hormones and give people permission to tell me to shut the hell up if I ever mess up like that again;)
Yeah, it’s super frustrating to feel like you aren’t getting any comment love back. You deserve dozens of them! Rant all you want.
How do you find the Google searches? I was dying with the “mountain of infertility” one. And the large buttocks one. My husband and I both have big butts…maybe therein lies our problem.
Ha! It’s so funny that someone searched that phrase! I doubt you guys need to lose any sleep over that though;)
I’ve been going through and apologizing for what I feel like now may have been a shameful rant that smacked of complaining a bit more than intended. I have no right to be bitching about a shortage of comments right now. I completely get why it’s happening, and I respect every one of the women who are doing what they need to do for themselves by taking some space from pregnant bloggers.
I have given them all (and you) permission to tell me to shut the hell up if it ever happens again. Hormones are really no excuse.
We’ll talk soon, I promise! Have a great weekend:)
How funny, I was just looking at my comments the other day and going: WHAT THE HELL? My most recent favorite is “side effects of fuck.”
I am sorry you are not feeling the comment love. I think that for a lot of women still i the trenches, the “BFP” signals the start of backing away.
And honestly, I am guilty of this too. A few weeks ago, pre-transfer, I was looking at my blogroll thinking I started my journey with all of them, and 75% of them are now pregnant. In that mindset, it was very hard for me to continually visit blogs of those women who beat infertility, because I was still in the trenches, 3 years later.
Anyway, I’d like to read the blog post(s) that defines what “infertile” is. Can you shoot me an e-mail with them?
I’m sorry things have gotten quiet around here for you. I feel myself guilty, I’ve felt the need to stay away a little bit. I truly am so happy for you Kate but also, I’ll admit it, terribly jealous. And that makes me feel like shit. So I hid a little bit instead of dealing with it and I’m sorry. I’ll try harder!
And #s 6, 7 and 10 were my favorites! I need to check my search terms list.
Noooooo! Shelley! Please don’t apologize or feel like shit for not commenting as much since I shared my news. I owe you (and everyone who commented above you) the apology, I’m afraid. Because I have no business complaining about a lack of commenting or anything else right now (I am lamely blaming hormones, but that’s not a good excuse). You do exactly what you need to do for you and take as much space as you need!
I hope to hear from you from time to time, as I intend to continue to try to write respectful posts about a variety of topics (not just pregnancy). But I am getting plenty of support, and I appreciate yours very much…no matter how occasional or rare the written proof of it may be.
Hugs!
LOL! Those searches are hilarious! Please don’t worry this post didn’t have anything to do with my post. I am so behind on reading, I actually didn’t even see this post till after you mentioned it in my comments. I responded to you in my new post. It’s never fun when your comments drop off for any reason.
I’m glad my rant didn’t trigger your post the other day. I stand by what I said. Take as much time as you need. I’ll still be here, reading and supporting you until your day comes.